new warning lables

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that
the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of
alcohol containers:

1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your bra and panties.

2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a retard.

4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.

5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
morning.

7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are laughing WITH you.

10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible.

12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, leaving you unable to account for large chunks
of time.

13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary.

15. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.